Bringing up the subject of SM to your partner isn't always easy. How do you confess your interest without risking the relationship? You should be prepared with some reassuring facts about healthy, safe and consensual SM, and be ready to listen to any of your partner's fears and insecurities.

A gentle introduction is generally better than coming home one evening dressed in leather and announcing that you'd like to play Sadistic Dentist. If your partner is really a clueless novice, you might to start talking about sexy adult fantasy play rather than whips and chains, and you should probably start out by introducing him or her to the lighter side of kink.

Suggest that he or she might enjoy a light spanking or sensual bondage. You might offer to switch roles, and explain the concept of limits and a safeword to reassure your partner that he or she is not actually going to get hurt. Both partners establish their limits by clearly communicating what is and isn't OK with them before the play begins.

A safeword is a special code word that means "Stop", and both partners are allowed to use it if something happens that bothers them. While not all advanced players use safewords and predetermined limits, they are important tools that can help keep a scene safe and successful.

If you are playing with a more experienced partner, or if you have already introduced your regular partner to the joys of erotic power play, you can start right out by negotiating a scene. It is important to clearly discuss your likes, limits and fantasies with your partner.

Sometimes it can be helpful to have a loose "script" for the scene you would like to play out with your partner. A script can be as simple as "Naughty boy gets a spanking" or as complex as your time and imagination allows.

Getting input from your partner as to the kinds of things that turn him or her on is always a good idea, and you can incorporate these elements into your scene. Does he or she like leather? Latex? Silk? Uniforms? Bondage? Stern discipline? Tickling? Nipple play? Oral sex? Don't forget to find out.

Almost any fantasy, even an extreme one, can be played out safely. A kidnapped hostage fantasy doesn't mean you really have to shoot anyone. Pretend "branding" can be done with a Magic Marker for those low on pain tolerance and not into permanent marks. Here's a few fun ways to get started on your journey into safe, sane and consensual SM.

FANTASY #1: Sensory deprivation, bondage, sensation play You're the dominant. You get to tie your partner up and blindfold her, then alternately tickle and sexually tease her. Some of the props include a blindfold, soft nylon ropes, a feather, a rabbit fur, an ice cube, and possibly a whip or paddle.

FANTASY #2: Body worship, whipping, sexual teasing Your partner is dominant. You are harshly ordered to your knees, from where you must kiss and lick any part of his body that he tells you to. Then he "cruelly" whips you until you beg for mercy, at which point you get thrown on your back and fucked until you're seeing double.

FANTASY #3: Role-playing (principal and schoolgirl), spanking She is dominant. She is the strict Headmistress, and you have been a very naughty little schoolgirl. She administers a stern lecture and an over-the-knee spanking. Props might include a ruler (great for giving a light spanking) and a cute schoolgirl costume.

FANTASY #4: Role-playing (burglar and victim), rape fantasy You are dominant. You get to put on a ski mask and "break in" to your bedroom to rape your "unwilling" partner. Don't forget to agree on a safeword and some limits to the struggling.

FANTASY #5: Role-playing (medical fantasy), submission Your partner is dominant. She is a doctor who must give you a complete physical exam. She pokes and prods you in various private places, and you can do nothing but submit to her. Oh, the humiliation.. and the secret excitement. These are just a few examples of the fun scenes that you can create. Have fun and play safe!