BDSM - You can read this as "Bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism", "Bondage, dominance, submission and masters", "Bondage, discipline, slaves and mistresses" or any combination of the above. These are the basic ingredients in our community's alphabet soup whichever way you feel like stirring them.

B&D, B/D - Bondage and Discipline, or B&D, describes sexual activities involving erotic restraint and slave/Master or slave/Mistress fantasy games. Concepts that often (but not always) go hand in hand with this one are slave training, reward and punishment.

Bottom - The receiving partner in a scene, who may or may not also be submissive. The word "bottoming" is sometimes used as a verb.

CBT - Cock and ball torture.

Consensual - Yes, this is the correct dictionary spelling of this word. There is no such word as "consentual". A consensual activity between two people is one that they both agree to while they are sober, of legal age and not being coerced emotionally or physically.

Dom, Domme, dominant - Occasionally spelled differently (and sometimes even pronounced differently) depending on gender, though "dom" can also be a unisex term. A dominant is someone who takes control of a submissive's actions and behavior, often with a definite goal in mind such as slave training. These terms are sometimes used casually and interchangeably with "top".

D&S, D/s - Dominance and Submission, or DS, is about playing with power and trust in an erotic way. D&S play can include, but is not limited to, SM play. D&S play between consenting partners can also be entirely nonphysical.

Edgeplay - A term used to describe heavy, "edgy" or risky play that is for advanced, experienced players only.

Fisting, handballing - Penetration of the ass or pussy with a hand or fist. This is a potentially high risk activity, and it is a good idea to read up on how to do this safely before attempting it with your partner.

Gender play, genderfuck - While gender games might be played by real transsexuals, this term usually indicates someone of one gender who enjoys occasionally playing that they are the other gender.

Mindfuck - May be edgeplay if your partner isn't warned in advance. Using tricks or deception to convince your partner that something is happening, or will happen, that isn't or won't. An example of this would be a "branding" scene in which the top substituted a strike with dry ice at the last moment, simulating the sensation without leaving a mark.

Munch - A casual social gathering of the BDSM community, usually in a public restaurant where chatting is cool and fetish wear, toys and public play is not. The original Burgermunch was started in Palo Alto by STella, and spawned so many successors that "Munch" is now a generic term for all of these types of gatherings.

RL, R/L - Real life. As opposed to a strictly online BDSM relationship or session. This didn't used to be an acronym until the recent phenomenon of live, semi-anonymous chat on the Net.

SAM - Smart Ass Masochist, also known as a bratty bottom. One who sasses or teases a top in the hopes of getting "punished" more or harder. Some people enjoy this kind of interaction, and others do not.

SSC, Safe, sane and consensual - This phrase may have been published first in a Janus Society newsletter in the 1980's, but if you have an earlier documented use of this term, please email me at spam_dies_here(at) yahoo.com. The words seem to be reasonably self explanatory, but you can read several discussions of their definitions by Tammad Rimilia and Tamar Kay for more insight.

Safeword - A word that a bottom or submissive may use to signal that they need to stop or temporarily suspend a BDSM session. The most common safeword is "safeword", but some other word such as "red" may be agreed upon. "Fuck me harder" is not a recommended safeword. A good safeword is one that cannot be confused with normal scene dialogue. Experienced players who can be trusted not to exceed their partner's physical or emotional limits may play without a safeword, but this is not recommended for novices. A safeword is a way to share the responsibility for a scene's safety between the top and the bottom.

Slave - A slave is the owned property of a dominant. Some partners choose to engage in fantasy slavery or part time slavery, and others have a TPE or 24/7 relationship.

S&M, SM - The common term for sexual or erotic activity involving the giving and receiving of pain and pleasure. The "s" refers to sadism and the "m" to masochism, but the expression is often written "SM" to indicate that sadomasochism is one word and one lifestyle, not two. Although, strictly speaking, the term refers only to physical play, it is sometimes generally used to refer to the whole alphabet soup of D/s, B&D, etc.

SSB-B - The Usenet newsgroup soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm was founded as a direct successor to alt.sex.bondage, after ASB was completely taken over by spammers advertising porno sites and phone sex lines. The very useful SSB-B FAQ can be found here.

Sub, submissive - A submissive submits to a dominant's control and direction. Rather than directing and controlling the scene ("I want you to flog my ass and then tie up my cock and balls"), the goal of a submissive is to serve and please the dominant.

Subspace - Not the public train station. A mental and psychological state that is entered by some submissives and bottoms during a BDSM session. The sensations may differ between individuals, but the experience has been described as "flying", "floating on an endorphin rush", "ecstatic" and "completely surrendered". Most consider it enjoyable, but tops and doms should be aware that consent to additional activities that is given by someone who is in this state may be regretted by that person later. It can be effectively a chemically altered state.

Switch - Someone who enjoys being both a top and a bottom, or both a dominant and a submissive, at different times and possibly to different people.

Top - The active partner in a BDSM scene who gives sensations to the receiving partner. The word "topping" is sometimes used as a verb. It may or may not imply sadism or dominance.

TPE, 24/7 - Total Power Exchange, a relationship where one person is dominant and the other submissive 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes called "REAL dominance" by people who make the mistake of thinking that more is always better. The submissive in this relationship would identify as a slave, and the dominant as a Master, Mistress or slave owner.

TV/TS - Don't get these two terms confused, even if that hot number in the ad might have. TV refers to transvestite, and TS to transsexual. A TV or a cross dresser is a man or woman who likes to wear the clothes of the opposite gender, and/or play with exchanging gender with their partners. A TS is a man or a woman who feels strongly that they are in the wrong body and that they are actually of the opposite sex. A TS may be pre-op, meaning that the individual still has the physical characteristics of the sex that they were born with, or post-op, which means that they have already had an operation to transform them partially or wholly into a member of the opposite sex. An MTF, or male to female, TS is more common than a FTM, or female to male.

Vanilla - Not kinky. Having a bland flavored sexual preference, e.g., missionary position with the lights out.

WIITWD - An abbreviation for What It Is That We Do. This is a generic catch-all term for the various activities that we enjoy.

Watersports - A term generally used to describe the eroticization of piss. Occasionally it may also be used to refer to enema play. Devotees of piss play may flag a yellow hanky or talk about "golden showers", and they are probably not just inviting you to share a hot tub or a day at the beach if they ask you over for watersports.

Wrapping - What happens when you underestimate the length of your whip and it "wraps" around to strike your target on the front or sides rather than the back. Not usually considered to be good technique, or a pleasant sensation, though some tops may do this on purpose - or pretend they did, anyways. Wrapping can leave nasty marks which may or may not be desirable.

YKIOK - Your Kink Is OK. A philosophy of tolerance in the BDSM community, accepting other people's consensual practices as OK. Conversely if you do something that is not safe or nonconsensual, you may hear YKINOK (your kink is not OK).

YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary. Another philosophy of diversity, accepting the fact that many BDSM practices may affect different people in different ways.