Ahhh, the good old fashioned joys of love and Crisco. Do you remember what they used to call a "Wesson party"? And let's not forget about that good old gay bar standby from years past, motor oil wrestling. All of these activities have two things in common: hot sex, and total incompatibility with latex. Welcome to the 1990's.

Fortunately, medical science has made a few breakthroughs. Gloves and condoms made of polyurethane have been shown to provide effective protection against the transmission of disease, and unlike latex, polyurethane does not dissolve when exposed to oil. You might also try nitrile gloves (available from laboratory supply stores), which is also an effective and oil-compatible barrier.

For creative applications involving larger areas of skin, Saran wrap has been shown in laboratory tests to prevent the transmission of herpes and is thought to be an effective barrier against other STD's as well. And best of all, it holds up to oil based lubricants.

Before you cheer like a Texas cowboy and head off to play "catch the greased piglet" with your sweetie, keep these safety tips in mind. Oil can trap bacteria on the surface of the skin, or inside your vagina or rectum, and create a more attractive breeding ground for problem germs. It's a good idea to wash after playing with grease.

Don't forget to wash all the surfaces your hot, greasy hands (and other parts of your anatomy) may have touched. If your play is very vigorous, this can be a harder job than you think. It's better from a health standpoint to use a vegetable based product such as Crisco or cooking oil than a petroleum product such as Vaseline.

But if you'd like to experiment with the exotic, why not try J-lube? This is a veterinary product sold for use on horses and cattle, but no doubt there are some veterinary pharmacies scratching their heads and wondering how there can be so many stables in San Francisco. Reconstitute the dry powder to a nice thick gel with clean water, and you're certainly all ready to play "horsie".

My red-hanky buddies swear that this is the very best lube for fisting, bar none. Ask your veterinarian where to get some - but be sure to tell them it's for a big old bull. Dyke, that is.

More commercially available silicone based lubes include I-D Millenium and Wet Platinum. The primary advantage to this stuff is that it will work underwater, in fun places like hot tubs and showers. Silicone based lubricants are compatible with latex, but if you also play with oil, you'll need to use polyurethane barriers for safe sex.

Have fun and play safe!