Submissive Souls

In this section, we would like to share and to have others share just about anything you would like to say from the heart.... what submission means to you at any given time. I think we all share similar thoughts others will be sharing bits of ourselves, our dreams and desires. To contribute to the section, please write to me. KttN
Submissive *ONLY* Forum - A place to share and exchange thoughts and feelings.

About a year ago i thought about taking my IRC submission to real life. Little did i know at that time what changes would occur. Even though i always presented myself as how i truly am in IRC there was the ability to get away with a lot of things i knew i wouldn't be able to if in a real life training.

i had, in the span of 2.5 years, 2 different IRC Masters. The first one was a novice to IRC domination though He was of the dominant type. i was His for 1 month. i was fairly new to IRC bdsm. i had been a real life Domme (kinda / sorta) for 6 months. Met with a male submissive once a week for six months. There was never any sex involved because i felt at the time that would be unwise. Even though his training did not include sex i still made sure he always _enjoyed_ himself each and every session. There is a _little_ bit of dominance in me. It was during those six months that i realized i was not _a_ Dominant but a submissive.

After that first training ended i swore i would be more careful _next_ time. It was about 4 to 5 months later i met the 2nd IRC Master. He was new to IRC and very new to bdsm though He said He wasn't at the beginning of our communication. i felt i was _playing_ it safe by serving a long distance Dominant. "i won't get hurt, this won't affect me, i can handle anything He dishes out." How wrong i was. Emotions are still there. Many times i sat at the computer and cried. That collaring ended after 5 months. We were going to meet in real life even though He lived in Florida and i in Illinois. We split 2 weeks before our planned meeting. Whenever i couldn't deal with a situation in IRC, if He was really pushing hard on a limit or whatever, all i had to do was quit IRC. Yes, i ran quite a few times. i decided at that moment that i did not want to do IRC submission any more. That was April 1996.

From April 1996 until March 1998 i had my fun online, scened with quite a few Dominants, was the rapscallion / imp whenever i wanted to. Did get myself a reputation as a brat / mischief-maker / fun-lovin' gal. i tried always to be fair in judgment, kind in actions, sincere in apologies, and trustworthy in nature. Being the imp was natural for me, it was who i was. i was christened imp_lisa by a fellow submissive who sometimes switched. Now _he_ was the epitamy of submissiveness but look out when he switched! The nick imp_lisa lasted for about a month or so then one day someone called me "wild". i changed my nick to wyld_imp and it stuck. Even now collared to DomN8 with the nick N8`s_lisa, i am still called imp or impy by many. ::smile::

At the beginning of March, i decided to _try_ real life. i thought if things got too hairied or upsetting, i would merely have to say, "i'm outta here". Now, how to find the "perfect" Dominant. i placed an ad on March 4th. "Seeking Male Dominant to teach this impish sub the true meaning of a spanking." It sounded good to me! Within one hour of that posting i received the first response.

The subject line was: "Me DomN8 ... you wyld_imp". This ole gal sure perked at that line. ::grin:: The next day we talked voice and met in real life at a close-to-my-work public restaurant. During the conversation He touched my hand and said, "I already own you". All i could do was nod though i didn't realize i did it at the time. There was a connection, His dominance grabbed me. i was enthralled. Just meeting this Man and i was aching / desiring to please Him. A mere 20 days after placing that ad, 19 days after meeting Him, i was allowed to wear a collar denoting His ownership. i think in the last 8 months there have been only 3 times i wore an actual leather collar. The first session, the night He collared me was one. :) i gasped, i choked, i cried, i thought i was going to die. He let me get myself under control - yes, it scared the bejesus out of me! i knew once that collar went on, He was Master, i was His. No more my wants, my needs, my desires ... for since then it is "What would please Master?" Oh, i still have my moments of self-pity and yearning to be treated like a Queen. It has taken me quite a while to understand and retrain my brain ... Master first, others next and me last. i love serving Him. To see His smile makes all the hard-work worth it! A simple smile is all it takes for me to melt, to feel elated, to shine with happiness! my pleasure comes from pleasing Him.

As i progress in training my self-imposed limits are being tested, pushed, stretched but never broken. Master is a kind Dominant, has never been mean to me, has pushed me to my breaking point a few times but never with malice or intent to hurt and has _never_ pushed me past my breaking point. i have undergone many changes; the style of clothing, the application of makeup, visiting adult shops, fucking _and_ enjoying it!

Some may say this is a mid-life crisis, a change of life, a shedding of the past ... those who really know me, know it is the goal i set for myself. All those years ago when i was about to graduate from high school, i wrote in my diary, "By the time i am 40 i want to be able to say i have lived." Many things have happened between the time i graduated and the time i placed that ad. Things that had changed me slightly over the years into someone i no longer wished to be. DomN8 is training me to be the person i've always wanted to be and to be the best submissive i can. i know bdsm training is not a relationship per se. At any time DomN8 can dismiss / uncollar me. i know this and each night as i lay down to go to sleep, i am grateful for another day as His sub. :)

What submission means to me ...

One day to have no limits, no qualms, no balking, no questions ... just DO for the simple act of pleasing Master.

Copyright 1998 lisa