Some
Rules for the submissive
[it's mutual] Submissives
1. Be patient! A potential Dom{me} will let you know if she or he is interested
in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve
and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization
of your fantasies. Don't expect your Dom{me} to be able to turn on like
a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
2. Be humble. You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most
sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear
it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter
what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself
up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your Dom{me}
can never reach.
3. Be open. You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone
into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or
how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art, and an "I
already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and
experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
4. Communicate! Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time
and in the appropriate way. Your Dom{me} needs to know basic information
about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs.
But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your Dom{me} asks. Don't expect
your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs, wants,
and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
5. Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant
expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is
essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead
to problems, as the Dom{me} will base the scene on inaccurate information.
Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
6. Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical
realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience
to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your
Dom{me} ahead of time. But don't always expect your Dom{me} to be a puppet
in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your
Dom{me} surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you're
never been before. When you trust your Dom{me} completely, let her or him
know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
7. Be realistic. Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced Dom{me}
have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what
you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy
world you see in books and magazines. Few Dom{me} are rich enough to afford
a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment
is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
8. Be really submissive! This is the whole point. Let your dominant take
you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your
Dom{me}. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts,
but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own
specifications, then you should try being a Dom{me}. You have agreed to
limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and
obey your Dom{me} and expect punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully
and cheerfully. Your Dom{me} has many things to be concerned with, including
your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your
role.
9. Be healthy! SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants
- both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional health. The
amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and
everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your
dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No
matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when
you aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down.
You serve your dominant and yourself best by staying healthy.
10. Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned
and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible,
creative SM play.
