The Slave Found
by secretside

Sitting in the silence of the night with only the sound of the rain to echo through her mind, she begins to think back over how she arrived at this place. Not the physical place where she exists but the place where her heart and soul dwell. The place that tells her she is unlike the others. The place that lets her know that not only does she not fit in their world, she does not wish to fit there. How did this happen and at what point did it become a place from which she could never return? When did her heart and her mind no longer desire to be "normal" and "free" and all the other things that the "world" said she should want?

A soft sigh eases out of her lips as she closes her eyes and tries to focus inward. Was it the first time she was physically punished? Was it the first time she served One that knew how to move her to do His will with nothing more than a glance or a word? Was it earlier than that? Later? Trying to piece together the fragmented memories of her life, she begins to realize when this came about. A sudden gasp escapes her lips when the answer shows itself to her. Today! It happened today. The whirlwind that her mind creates with that understanding begins to toss every thought hither and yon as she continues to try and understand what that means.

She knew long before today what she was. She knew long before today what she longed for and desired. She knew what she craved and needed to complete her. Why then would the answer be "today"? Turning this day over in her mind, she begins to slowly understand what was different and that "today" was the right answer. The serves, the beatings that thrill her mind and spirit as her body aches, the bondage and the submissive nature are things she had embraced long ago. All of that was just the knowledge of what she was looking for. Only this day does she understand what that knowledge was about.

She leans back against the hard, cool ground and becomes lost in the sound of the water splashing against the earth as her mind continues to piece together what her soul is screaming. Today is not the first time she has burned...that deep belly burn that begins low and moves over the entire body as if to engulf the entire being. No, she has felt that before. She has even felt it with Him before. He has always touched that place in her, the one that makes her unable to deny Him anything He wishes or desires. He has always been able to make her heart race and her body respond in ways that no one else could. He can with just a "hello" turn her from an intelligent, thought-provoking woman to a wanton sex starved kitten that needs nothing but his release. One word or glance from Him sends her running in whatever direction He wishes -- not out of fear but out of need. The need to please Him. The need to make Him happy and proud of who and what she is. The need to be who she is and still be what He wishes.

It has been that way with him since they met, but today something changed inside her. Her body shakes as the realization begins to unfold in her head why today was unlike every other day before. Today she not only allowed and enjoyed each moment but she also gave up. She gave up fighting for it to be any other way. She gave up the idea that if she waited long enough and fought hard enough she would cease being His. She gave up the idea that somewhere out there more was waiting for her. She gave up the illusion that somehow she would be happier, better, more complete with another Person that could offer her everything she needed. Today she realized that He has what she needs. She gave up the idea that she can choose her path better than He can. He owns her; pure and simple. If she wishes to be who she is, it is only by being His that she can have that. He owns what she gave to Him long ago. She can no more "cease being His" than she can cease breathing air and living.

A soft laugh escapes her lips as she hears those words in her head..."cease being His". Somehow, she had still believed that no matter how much He could move her, touch her, lead her, excite her, seduce her, she still had no choice but to keep part of herself from Him. The part she finds so amusing is that she no longer owns any of herself anyway. She had ceased having anything that He could not have long ago. Only the acknowledgment of what belonged to Him was left to be given. The only thing she held on to was the "idea" that she was anything more than He allowed her to be. The only thing she had until today was the ability to "deny" the knowledge of the truth. She had been His since He accepted the gift and responsibility of her. He had allowed her to run, hide, beg, need, demand, desire, crave and run again as He sat back and waited for her to finally accept her place in life. He had stayed near enough to protect what was His property, all the while allowing her to seek for what was already before her.

Just thinking of Him now, her belly begins to burn. It is the burn of a slave that is owned, the burn of a slave that has nothing more than what is given to her by One that has complete control over every crack and crevice of her being. IT is the ache in the groin that can not be cooled no matter how often or how seldom she is used. If He desires her, the burn moves so swiftly that the moistness is not only felt but smelled by anyone near her.

Today, when He came to her, it began as many days have since she ran from Him so many months ago. He came, she felt. He touched, she responded. He smiled and then it happened. This time, when He quietly told her that she was His and she replied as she always did, "yes, Sir. Part of me will always belong to You." Instead of just smiling, He answered "no; I have all of you". She could not lie to Him even though she can easily lie to herself. In that instant she had to face everything she had run from. She had to admit that which she had feared for so long. Yes, she was before and is now completely His, no matter Who He allows her to go to or gives her to. Even if He were to abandon her, she would still belong completely to Him.

The moment that her mind accepted what her heart knew, the burn took on a different feel. The ache grew to something that engulfed her from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. Once she felt the sheer joy and understanding of her place, the desire to run was no longer there -- once she understood that whether in pain or pleasure, joy or sorrow, fear or peace she would belong completely to the One that owned what she had given to Him. Only He can make her feel the peace that floods her when He allows her to be free in the idea of what and who she is. She is His...His toy, His slut, His whore, His friend, His possession and His slave. She is only free when she allows herself to be what He wishes. Five minutes with Him as His is worth a lifetime of being alone if she can feel complete. Finally she understands that completeness only comes with the One that has the key to her needs, desires, wants and pleasures. Freedom only comes when she allows herself to be completely content in her lot in life.

Maybe some people can find happiness in the freedom to make decisions and choices for their lives. She knows where her true pleasure and happiness come from. It comes from feeling the freedom of completely being owned; the freedom that is found in the cage He has placed around her heart and soul; the freedom that comes as her body explodes with the desire that He can bring her just by saying "orgasm, slave"; the freedom that comes from not having to hide the fact that she wishes nothing more than to be taken by Him, pleasured by Him, hurt by Him, moved by Him, praised by Him and corrected by Him; the freedom that comes from admitting that she is nothing more or less than what He desires and commands her to be. She is His slave. He is her Master.

Somewhere in the distance she hears her name being called. Her heart pounds as she quickly rises to her feet, hearing His voice calling for what is His. The burn is now almost unbearable as she races toward the direction of His voice, her breathing hard as she moves closer to Him. Her smile comes from deep within because once more she knows that she will be complete for one more moment in time, complete in the knowledge that her only freedom is in her total surrender to Him, her total surrender to who she is, her total surrender to her slavery.

Lifting her eyes as her heart begins to soar with the peace that comes with acceptance, she whispers softly as she kneels before Him..."Your slave is here Master. What is your desire?"

© Copyright 2001 secretside. All rights reserved.