The Importance of a Safety Net - Preventions

Kree offers some excellent advice along with a checklist that can be used by a visiting submissive. I'd like to see this section grow with more thoughts and suggestions. Please mail them to me, KttN and I will add them also in hopes that just one person learns from your experience. Thanks to all that contributed.

Some Very Good Advice

In response to "Safety Net Update"

I have watched this safety net tread with great interest because I do meet people for first times on occassion. There always has to be a first time to meet, obviously. The responsibility for a meeting comes from the first hello spoken in a chat room, an IRC channel, or at Hellfire when the first eye contact is made. Responsibility does not begin when the plane ticket is purchased, but rather in the due diligence process of learning about someone and their ideas. yes, he might have a 17 inch cyber cock and you are curious, he might claim 20 years experience and you feel you could have an incredible experience, she might drop to her knees the first time you pull her hair, and she likely is the most beautiful woman in the world and totally submissive to you.

These delusions combined with the deep desire so many have for an experience cause problems. Are they red flags? maybe, maybe not....but are curiosity and desire enough of a reason to suspend the laws of common sense? Nope, they are not. the person on the firing line for your safety is YOU and you first. If the person you are meeting is a responsible dominant or submissive, they share the responsibility for your safety on the same level. All too often the people who get hurt are those that feel things so deeply they DO suspend the logic of common sense. They have an ache....... they feel a throb they have never felt.... an intimacy like no other..... and they MUST have it now. IF you have these feelings, you know you are at risk if you haven't talked to the person for a considerable time or have known them for a considerable time. This also is a double edged sword. One person who came to visit me set up 2 safety nets. I even verified one of them and gave all my personal information to that person.The other one was undisclosed to me, but knew me. Because the submissive was coming to see me and they knew me neither of them spoke to her over a 10 day period. She was distraught at the thought that knowing me HER chosen safety net didn't act responsibly. the lesson here is that even if YOU act responsibly, so must your net.

TO me <major disclaimer> and to me alone, there is an additional area of responsibility. That area of responsibility applies to all of us that are involved in this world, in my opinion. That area of responsibility embraces the idea if you see someone suspending the laws of common sense don't shake your head and mutter. Grab them by the shoulders and say.... I love you as a friend and a partner in our world......we need to talk. let them know you care ...guide them to a safe first meeting.... offer ideas..... if they are out of control, tell them, dont let them make a potentially fatal error because you didn't want to risk their friendship..... One day, my friends , it might be you out of control..... One day, YOU might be at risk because of desire and if we all are aware enough of how meetings CAN be safely planned, maybe we can slow those fires just enough to make sure our friend comes back in one piece, both mentally and physically.

Safety nets, do we need them? damn right we do..... Should we use them? damn right we should, even if it is the 3rd meeting or the 4th meeting, let someone know who, where, when, and some of the plans.

In the hope that it might make someone think about a first meeting, I am going to include something that I was going to give to miel for the safety net users to see to make them think. I do not present this as something everyone should do, it is simply what I do. it is an assignment I require to be completed prior to meeting someone for the first time. If it isnt completed and we havent gone over it, I will not meet them, period. it is designed to make then think about what they are doing, give me a great deal of information about them, and provide them with information about me that can be verified. I would not mind answering such a questionnaire myself, if asked. My point with this is to say to submissives....did he take the time to ask you these questions, or was he in too big a hurry to know these things. For dominants, was she willing to meet you under any circumstances without you knowing things about her that might be important. Obviously, my philosophy of meetings might not match yours, but as I said this is mine and it works for me and seems to have worked quite nicely for those I have meet.

Here goes:

Approaching a meeting I would like for you to perform the following assignment. It allows me to know a great deal about your previous experiences and where you have been, plus assures me that you have taken care of setting up safe calls so that you will know that I see this as a shared responsibility. Meeting will hopefully be a delightful experience for us both and the information here help that to be a reality. I will tell you what I have told others about a first meeting. Do not meet me with the expectation of having limits pushed in a first meeting. It isn't my way. I do not feel it is responsible to rush into bouncing against limits when one doesnt know the way your eyes look in a scene, the way your body responds, and the way your mind moves into your space. Will I challenge you? yes...... Will I try to take you somewhere you haven't been? yes, of course..... Will I look for limits and push them? Not intentionally... Will you have safe words? yes, you will have 3 .....Green= Yes, that is wonderful give me more...... Yellow= What you are doing is fine, but I am reaching a level where I am uncomfortable..... Red= STOP EVERYTHING NOW! and it will be stopped.

After sceneing, we will discuss what you enjoyed and what you didn't enjoy. We will discuss what you would have wanted more of and what did little for you. In the event you deemed it necessary to use the RED word, we would discuss what was happening and why you felt the need to stop. This could range from fear of where you were going....too much pain without the attendant pleasure....or perhaps a physical problem that you felt needed attention. In no event will you be chastised for using any of the words available to you, but please use THESE words because they have meaning. NO! or DONT! or STOP! will be heard, but not necessarily heeded. If you used NO, DONT, or STOP, I WOULD evaluate what was happening, but might not choose to stop what was happening so using the words given to you should be your priority. If you have other words you are comfortable with, we will discuss them, but these are pretty much the words acknowledged by everyone.

Your assignment is as follows:

1. You are to list known limits, both hard and soft.
2. You are to describe in detail past experience and scenes.
3. You are to describe fantasies and desires.
4. You are to describe the toys you own in case I want you to bring any of them.
5. You are to describe favorite toys....most feared toys
6. You are to describe things you most enjoy and things you least enjoy.
7. You are to describe health issues:
      a) Blood type
      b) Anything you are allergic to
      c) Any history of diabetes, heart problems, kidney problems, etc
      d) Any history of sexually transmitted diseases... HIV, Herpes, Syphyllis etc.
      e) Any history of joint or bone disorders.
      f) Any history of psychological or emotional problems requiring medication or hospitalization,,,       and what was the trigger if applicable.
      g) Any medications you are currently taking.
      h) Any controlled substances you are taking or using.
8) neck size
9) Telephone numbers of friends or relatives to be brought with you and given to me in a sealed envelope, which will be returned to you unopened...smiles, if not needed.
10) Anything else you feel you would like to tell me...smiles

I realize that this is a rather long and involved list, but I want our time together to be all it can be within the realm of what I am comfortable with in a first meeting. You will address me as Master or Sir except in front of my Child and you will belong to me for the time you are here. You will belong to me and you will be here to serve me and us to the utmost of your ability.

As I mentioned above, you will be allowed 3 safewords that may be used at anytime for any reason. If they are used, we will discuss why when you are capable of doing so. After each thing we do, when total calm has returned, you will open yourself to me by describing the feelings and emotions. If there were negative feelings and emotions, they will also be described..nothing will be held back. It simply isn't allowed.

After you have completed this assignment, I will begin planning some things that we will do, based on your likes and dislikes. They won't all be your preferences, but they will be what I choose.

As we approach your arrival, we will discuss more things.

My information is as follows
Full Name
Address <this should be verifiable on People Search on the net>
Local numbers :
850-xxx-xxxx
850-xxx-xxxx
Beeper 850-xxx-xxxx
office 800-xxx-xxxx
Florida Dr Lic #: Exp date
Car ...199x Dom mobile Fl tag # xxxxxxxx

If there is additional information that you would like, you only have to ask. You will provide this information to the person or persons chosen as your safety net as soon as a time for meeting is determined and confirmed. If you have questions about this assignment......ask!

Michael

More info on negotiations.

As I said, this might not fit you, but I DO feel that any responsible person heading for a first meeting should consider such an assignmnt for the submissive and I feel that any submissive should expect to answer this type of an assignment and to create one of her own which should be honored, in MY opinion, by her meeting partner.

Kree <sorry for the length of all this, but I have strong feelings on this issue>

On knowing yourself.

After many years in this lifestyle, and many first-time meetings with dominants, i cannot tell anyone NOT to scene on a first meeting, for that is a result of many conditions and emotions and responses and just general HUMAN feelings between dom and submissive. It is no one's place to tell another submissive that first-meeting scening is wrong OR right...that is a matter of personal choice.

What we CAN strongly SUGGEST to our sisters, though, is that each of them ensure that they have taken personal responsibility for ensuring their own safety during any first meeting. We can suggest the methods to ensure safety, and even offer our own names and numbers as safety calls. But, we are adults, my friends...and somewhere along the line we all have to take personal accountability for our actions.

dear_one

More info: Who Needs a Safety Net - Guidelines to Follow