On Switching by MerlinBDS

A Switches Point of View
Speaker: MerlinBDS
April, 1999

<MerlinBDS> good evening, one and all. when i was asked to do this by MzP, my first reaction was "what kind of drugs have you been doing?" and my second was "i want the name of your dealer."

<MerlinBDS> i don't regard myself as anyone particularly expert or special, most definitely in comparision to some of your past speakers, but i have been interested in bdsm all my life, and have been doing it for real for just shy of 13 years. I will try to share some of the nuggets I have gleaned over time, but i can claim no credit for them: to paraphrase Newton, the only reason I can see anything at all is that I stand on the shoulders of gi

<MerlinBDS> before we get started...a note on capitalization. in case you haven't noticed, i tend not to use the shift key. *from me*, addressing someone in lower case is _not_ an indication of disrespect. i refer to myself in the same way. i just have never accepted the UpperCaseDominant/lower_case_sub convention. i apologize in advance to anyone who is offended...but i am unlikely to change that behaviour. :)

<MerlinBDS> started out as a sub. had no earthly idea i even had a dominant side, and was shocked as hell when it started emerging. i have been active "in the scene" (as we say) for almost 13 years (in May) and have been actively dominant in my bdsm relationships for 6 or 7...depends on where you want to draw the line down

<MerlinBDS> It was a serious internal struggle to accept this about myself, and full acceptance came slowly. These days, having come to terms with my nature, i choose to live as a dominant and play occasionally as a sub. I have been blessed by the devotion of my slave rose. we celebrate our first anniversary on June 19th.

<MerlinBDS> MzP asked me to talk about switching. Let's start with a definition: a switch is someone who enjoys interacting in both the dominant and the submissive role.

<MerlinBDS> Some of us "switch" with the same partner, many of us do not. Many "one dimensional" bdsm people, i.e., those who are "only" dominant or "only" submissive, have a great deal of trouble in understanding or even accepting the idea of switching. I have had dominants tell me that because i like to submit i am not a "real" dominant.

<MerlinBDS> piffle.

<MerlinBDS> IMHO (well, not so humble), that simply reveals the parochial attitude and narrowness of mind of the speaker. "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are drempt of in your philosophy."

<MerlinBDS> Actually, everyone (with very rare exceptions...most of whom are psychopathic) has both dominant and submissive parts to his or her nature. It is very common in bdsm to find someone who is very submissive in his or her sex life or in sexual relationships, and who is a high powered and very aggressive executive in "vanilla" life.

<MerlinBDS> Can we legitimately say this person has NO dominance in him or her? Of course not. It is just that in this case the dominance is expressed in "far" relationships, rather than "near" ones.

<MerlinBDS> A switch is someone who has both the dominant nature and the submissive nature crosswired to his or her emotional/sexual drives. That is rarer than the case in which only one part, the submission or the dominance, is expressed within his or her sex life, but it is as normal and natural as bdsm in general.

<MerlinBDS> t is simply a different, and a bit less common, internal configuration. The dominance, or the submission, of a switch is no less, and no more, "real" than that of straight doms and straight subs.

<MerlinBDS> I have heard it said that the best doms have been sub. I don't know that it is absolutely true, but i do know that having lived for a considerable time as a sub and a slave, i understand the mind of submission rather well. i have a deep knowledge of a sub's needs and of the rewards of submission:

<MerlinBDS> i know from experience how wonderful they are. i know what i am giving when i make strong demands of my submissive. it makes a difference, i believe, in my own ability to fulfill her.

<MerlinBDS> a switch's path:

<MerlinBDS> for some people, switching is a transitional state.....some people start out as fulltime subs, and leave submission behind to become fulltime dominants, or vice versa. these people only do both roles for a short time between fulltime states, while they are moving from one to the other.

<MerlinBDS> for others, switching is a way of life. this is my own pattern. i very much enjoy receiving the surrender of an eager and trusting sub. i enjoy equally giving my own surrender to a domme whom i love and trust. whether i am dominant or submissive in a given relationship depends on the particular chemistry.

<MerlinBDS> I have found over the years that i lack the internal strength to live as a fulltime sub....i simply cannot stand to be that vulnerable all the time. i have a very high degree of respect for those who can, and who do, such as my sweet slave rose. i will note that in my experience, subs are in general stronger than doms.

<MerlinBDS> switching within a relationship, vs. having multiple single-mode relationships:

<MerlinBDS> many switches cannot switch with the same person. they find that they cannot genuinely submit to someone whom they have dominated. this is fine for "shallow" play, in which the level of surrender is not dee p, but for going to the deeper levels, they tend to have multiple relationships, each in a single mode, dom or sub.

<MerlinBDS> it is similar with my slave rose. she is also a switch, but she cannot even contemplate the idea of dominating me: she expresses her dominant side with her own subs. were she to be dominant with me, it would destroy her ability to submit.

* fireNdark runs in offering apologies and leftover eggs

<Kinky> eheheheh

<MzP> a frazzled hostess with the mostest..could hear it in her voice earlier

* MerlinBDS nods sagely

<fireNdark> Merlin sir, you about ready?

* fireNdark will throw out those gratuitous reminders

<MerlinBDS> i suppose so.....

* MerlinBDS gathers ill organized notes together

* fireNdark Folks, we're gonna try and stick with ? and ! as usual after our guest is finished.

* mrlnzrose gives a squeeze to Master's leg

<Z{U}ri`> fireNdark: Huh?

<fireNdark> Zuri, if you have a question or a comment....type it like that ? or !. After our guest has been given the floor of course.

<Kinky> the channel's moderated, so none but our speaker can talk at first, then i will -m it and folks will be able to talk

<Kinky> when he is finished

<fireNdark> We're about to start so lets keep the meets and greets to a minimum.

<MzP> Good Evening everyone.. I'd like to take this time to introduce to you.. our speaker.. and My good friend, MerlinBDS, who has so graciously agreed to speak tonight on the subject of Switching*.

<MzP> Merlin has been in the bdsm scene for quite a number of years.. and is lucky enough to now have his submissive living with Him, merlnzrose who is also joining us tonight. :) On behalf of channel #submission and its members..

<MzP> I'd like to welcome them both to #submission_discuss and thank Him for sharing with us His time and experiences.

<MzP> Merlin.. you have the floor ***

<MerlinBDS> smile......good evening, one and all. when i was asked to do this by MzP, my first reaction was "what kind of drugs have you been doing?" and my second was "i want the name of your dealer."

<MerlinBDS> I will try to share some of the nuggets I have gleaned over time, but i can claim no credit for them: to paraphrase Newton, the only reason I can see anything at all is that I stand on the shoulders of giants.

<MerlinBDS> before i get started, i want to encourage anyone with questions to speak up. sometimes i get rather wordy and my prose can be a bit dense

<MerlinBDS> also.... i had no idea the level of experience of the audience, so if it seems elementary, bring up your quesitons, and we will try to deal with them intelligently

<MerlinBDS> um, one last thing: before we get started...a note on capitalization. in case you haven't noticed, i tend not to use the shift key. *from me*, addressing someone in lower case is _not_ an indication of disrespect. i refer to myself in the same way. i just have never accepted the UpperCaseDominant/lower_case_sub convention. i apologize in advance to anyone who is offended...but i am unlikely to change that behaviour. :)

<MerlinBDS> i started out as a sub. had no earthly idea i even had a dominant side, and was shocked as hell when it started emerging. i have been active "in the scene" (as we say) for almost 13 years (in May) and have been actively dominant in my bdsm relationships for 6 or 7...depends on where you want to draw the line.

<MerlinBDS> MzP asked me to talk about switching. Let's start with a definition: a switch is someone who enjoys interacting in both the dominant and the submissive role.

<MerlinBDS> piffle.

<MerlinBDS> Actually, everyone (with very rare exceptions...most of whom are psychopathic) has both dominant and submissive parts to his or her nature. It is very common in bdsm to find someone who is very submissive in his or her sex life or in sexual relationships, an d who is a high powered and very aggressive executive in "vanilla" life.

<MerlinBDS> Can we legitimately say this person has NO dominance in him or her? Of course not. It is just that in this case the dominance is expressed in "far" relationships, rather than "near" ones.

<MerlinBDS> it is simply a different, and a bit less common, internal configuration. The dominance, or the submission, of a switch is no less, and no more, "real" than that of straight doms and straight subs.

<MerlinBDS> i have a deep knowledge of a sub's needs and of the rewards of submission: i know from experience how wonderful they are. i know what i am giving when i make strong demands of my submissive. it makes a difference, i believe, in my own ability to fulfill her.

<MerlinBDS> fNd was kind enough to send me some of the topic you have been discussing recently. the following are my own reactions to those quesitons....and i hope they will serve as a basis for discussion

<MerlinBDS> a switch's path:

<MerlinBDS> switching within a relationship, vs. having multiple single-mode relationships:

<MerlinBDS> many switches cannot switch with the same person. they find that they cannot genuinely submit to someone whom they have dominated. this is fine for "shallow" play, in which the level of surrender is not deep, but for going to the deeper levels, they tend to have multiple relationships, each in a single mode, dom or sub.

<MerlinBDS> i am one of those rare switches who _can_ switch with the same person, but i do find that i cannot go as deeply into submission with one whom i have strongly dominated. in bottom/top friendships, switching is easy, since the degree of real surrender is neglible, but the deeper the surrender by one partner, the more difficult it is to switch

<MerlinBDS> for me, at least. i tend toward the "multiple single mode relationships" pattern, because i need the depth of surrender, both giving and receiving.

<MerlinBDS> ok...done with the "boilerplate"....everything from here on is off the top of my head.

* Kinky applaudes (:

* Foord__ applauds

<its-GD`s> wow :)

* MzP smiles at Merlin.. well stated Sir

* Z{U}ri` claps alot

* MerlinBDS blushes crimson

* mrlnzrose smiling proudly at Master

* UmbraWolf smiles and claps along with Zuri

<fireNdark> ?

<MerlinBDS> smile...thank you, one and all.

<MzP> ga fNd

<Kinky> ?

* UmbraWolf raises a hand nervously

<fireNdark> Merlin sir.....anyway in particular that you "prepare" physicaly?

<UmbraWolf> nm

<UmbraWolf> :)

<MerlinBDS> hmmmm...for me, no. the physical stresses of each role are different, granted...but i don't do anything special

<fireNdark> GA Kinky

<MerlinBDS> um, i do find that in preparing to submit, particular partners may have certain requirements, though

* fireNdark nods

<MerlinBDS> <<<=-----spent a day wearing a plug recently before a scene.

<MerlinBDS> that partner ...um, likes strapons

<Kinky> MerlinBDS: have you ever experienced a relationship with another switch in which there is a subtle but very reall sort of 'wrestlying match' for the Top position? if so, how did you handle that?

<Kinky> god, my spelling sucsk (:

<MerlinBDS> grin..yes, i have, kinky. and this homey don't play that.

<Kinky> how do you mean? you just ended the relationship?

<MerlinBDS> meaning that when i am sub, i am very sub. and brook no BS when dom.

* MzP smiles

<MerlinBDS> we have to work that kind of thing out in equals mode...and if it is insoluble, it is over

* Kinky nods

<mrlnzrose> may I interject here?

<fireNdark> GA rose

<MerlinBDS> smile..please do, sweet slave

<mrlnzrose> that is one of the reasons.. that we dont play as switches with each other..

<mrlnzrose> my own.. need to minipulate the situation would be over powering

<mrlnzrose> if that were the case

<mrlnzrose> there for.. for us.. it needs to stay as seperate relationship

<mrlnzrose> done

<MerlinBDS> um, please refer to my remarks earlier concerning depth of submission. for the deeper levels, switching with the same partner tends to turn into that wrestling match

<MerlinBDS> cuz you have to re establish...all over again...the surrender.

<fireNdark> and cause un-needed resentment?

* Kinky nods

<MerlinBDS> and for people who find it hard to submit deeply in the first place....going through that struggle over and over again can be very wearing

* mrlnzrose smiles at fireNdark

<MerlinBDS> yes, exactly fNd.

<MerlinBDS> eventually, it is a relationship killer

<MerlinBDS> or at least that is my experience

<Kinky> thank you (:

<MzP> Umbra.. did you have a question?

<UmbraWolf> in a moment

<UmbraWolf> come back to me in a bit okay?

<MzP> sure :)

<MzP> any other ?s or !s??

<fireNdark> Merlin, if you touched upon this I'm sorry......do you see switching as a good training tool.

* fireNdark sorry, I'm just going for it tonight

<MerlinBDS> thank you, fNd. that is an excellent question

<MerlinBDS> i have trained dommes before. and i am of the very firm opinion that you DO NOT inflict or require anything you have not experienced or performed yourself

<MerlinBDS> um, in training mode, i tend to bottom and top....much like a music teacher. play it for the student, then have the student play it

<MerlinBDS> smile...exception: fisting

* Kinky giggles

<MerlinBDS> grin...you guys are easy. :)

<Kinky> ?

* fireNdark reminds the channel that we will be posting a log of tonights discussion on the website.

<MzP> GA Kinky

<MsPoi{S}n> Kewl.. :)

<Kinky> MerlinBDS: when you started Topping, did you ever think that you could never submit again?

<MerlinBDS> well, in my case, it was a bit more complicated, kinky

* Kinky nods

<MerlinBDS> i grew up in the Deep South, where it was at that time very hard to find partners...

Kinky> with ya there (:

MzP 2nds that

<MerlinBDS> ...the ones i found at first were other subs....and we tended to take turns

<MerlinBDS> so i topped from the very first.

<MerlinBDS> it was a very gradual process to come to the realization that i enjoyed receiving genuine surrender for itself, not just to please a partner

<MerlinBDS> the emerg ence of the Dom Side...took place over the course of years

* Kinky listens

<MerlinBDS> and....i thought of myself as a sub. there never was a time when i did not want to submit.

<MerlinBDS> i suppose my own journey was very different from those who "grew up" in strongly normative communities

<MerlinBDS> but we were all just sorta figgering it out as we went along.

<Kinky> thanks again (:

* MsPoi{S}n smiles.

<YUR> nods

<P^Man> what role do you see in all of this, for a submissive who relentlessly tops from the bottom?

* Z{U}ri` just listens intently

<MerlinBDS> smile...pman, i am death on that.

* P^Man grins

<MerlinBDS> to me, topping from the bottom has nothing to do with switching.

<MerlinBDS> if you are going to submit, then by god submit. give it up.

<MerlinBDS> otherwise, don't bother. :)

<mrlnzrose> !

* MzP laughs.. cuz she knows Merlin's stance on THAT :)

<MsPoi{S}n> I was always Dominate, until I found Sandman, and then it was easy to submit to him..

<fireNdark> GA rose

<MerlinBDS> the whole idea is to *surrender*. ofcourse, it takes time to build the trust necessary, etc etc...

* P^Man *nods*

<MerlinBDS> but if you aren't gonna give up the control, then stop pretending you are sub. :)

* MsPoi{S}n nods at MerlinBDS

<fireNdark> Since we're a small intimate group now, I think we can "free for all" the ? and !'s now.

* Kinky clasp!

<mrlnzrose> P Man.. do you have an idea as to why she needs to top from the bottom?

<Kinky> dammit and claps too eheheh

* MerlinBDS blushes

<MerlinBDS> nodding...good question, rose

<P^Man> that's a good question rose... but being really so new to D/s, with the two submissives I'm thinking of, I "really" figured out that answer

<P^Man> on the other hand... I tend not to be an extremely over-powering Dom

<mrlnzrose> there are several things that might be happening here.. (I dont know the situation)

<mrlnzrose> but... one would be it is a test for the Dom.. to see if he will take that control

<MsPoi{S}n> Why is it hard for me to give up my Dominate stance, except for when I am in the bedroom with my Master..

<MerlinBDS> um, for a new submissive, it is sometimes a journey ..a long and hard journey... to the deeper levels of submission.

<mrlnzrose> the second.. could be.. that she doesnt know how to give it up

* MzP agrees with rose

<annunaki> Sometimes i believes sub Top from bottom just to test the strength of the Top

<MerlinBDS> but a dominant does a sub no favors by tolerating "topping from the bottom"

<P^Man> *nod* rose

<mrlnzrose> it is up to the Dom to show her how.. and that take time.. and patiance

* MerlinBDS nods at annunaki

<P^Man> thank you :)

<mrlnzrose> I agree totally Master.. it is not fulfilling for either.. the d/s

<allelynn> I have to admit to having tried that....

<MzP> MsP.. I have a difficult time relinquishing total control also

<MerlinBDS> smile..we all have, alleylynn

<mrlnzrose> oh Master.. I have never.. <wg>

<MerlinBDS> oh no, never ever, rose. :)

<MsPoi{S}n> Sandman could just kill me at times..

<allelynn> I believe most of it comes from the fact that I am so independant in my normal day to day life...so it takes a whole process to place me in the position of submission

<MsPoi{S}n> But I have always been Dominate in All my relationships up until him

<MerlinBDS> nod. ..old habits, MsP. :)

<mrlnzrose> allelynn.. do you have a ritual that you use to get you to that place

<MsPoi{S}n> So he allows me gfs so that I still have that ability to switch.. :)

<allelynn> I also still try that with the Doms that are less dominant...sometimes as a show of my displease that they lack that complete dominance and sometimes in a effort to show them that I am not feeling dominated

<allelynn> Not really mrlnsrose...not a set ritual

<Kinky> cuz she's allowed to is the only reason i can think of mrlnzrose (:

<Kinky> (well, that wouldnt explain the need, i guess)

<mrlnzrose> you might think about coming up with one.. it might be helpful

<ari`elle> i have been told i top from the bottom... i think instead, it is more of my way of testing my boundaries

* ari`elle shrugs

<allelynn> it is something that has to be worked out with that Dom at the time...but I have found that once I submit totally to that Dom the process seems to happen on it's own at the time

<mrlnzrose> for you to reach that mind set before you meet with your Dom

<MerlinBDS> nod. um, alley, i tend to do lots and lots of discussion before and after. make sure everything is very clearly understood

<MzP> I top .. searching for a sign of weakness in a Dominant

* rayna nods at ari, agreeing

<MerlinBDS> and that communication channels are clear within the scene.

<ari`elle> i like very strong Doms... so i am always testing the waters, so to speak

<MerlinBDS> rose has some daily rituals to assist her in detoxing from vanilla and entering slave mode

<its-GD`s> what are the rituals, if i may ask?

<MerlinBDS> grin...rose, ya wanna detail them?

<mrlnzrose> it is also helpful after I have Dommed.. to re set my mind

<allelynn> I am curious about that myself its-GD's

<fireNdark> yes rose, please share?? Just a couple

<mrlnzrose> well right now. I am to go and bath.. and during each thing that I do.. I say out loud

<mrlnzrose> I am doing this to prepare myself for Master

<mrlnzrose> I am shaving to prepare myself for Master

* its-GD`s smiles

<mrlnzrose> before when I was learning my rules..

<mrlnzrose> I would recite them in the bath

<mrlnzrose> this was very helpful to set my mind.. and help me find that space where I am slave to Master

* Kinky nods at merlnzrose

<MerlinBDS> rose is always naked at home. wears a chain padlocked around her neck. requires permission to leave my presence

<mrlnzrose> these things I have asked for.. because it helps me remember who i am

<mrlnzrose> and whom I belong to

<mrlnzrose> I have asked.. even

<MerlinBDS> smile. welcome, MzP. for what little it was worth. :)

<MzP> it was worth a lot.. I think everyone enjoyed it :)

* MsPoi{S}n nods at MzP

<rayna> I was wondering how you all felt about a sub switching to make another sub that she loves happy, tho she really isn't Dom

<MerlinBDS> nod...that was what i did from the beginning, rayna.

<MerlinBDS> nothing wrong with that, so long as the person doing the switching is having fun too

<ari`elle> rayna.... you mean the sub switching to the the other subs Dom?

<rayna> yes ari

<ari`elle> hmmm

<rayna> I am not comfortable with it

<MerlinBDS> um, what are the details of the situation, rayna?

<rayna> but would do it to make her happy

<rayna> well my girlfried is sub, as I am

<rayna> and she wanted me to be Dom with her

<MerlinBDS> nod. ok so far, rayna.

<rayna> I don't know what to do about it

<MerlinBDS> um, you are uncomfortable with the idea, rayna?

<ari`elle> i dont think you can do something like th at *just* to make a nother happy... it has to make you happy too

<rayna> yes Merl, with her

<MerlinBDS> agree, arielle.

<MerlinBDS> um, rayna, if you cannot derive pleasure from giving her the pleasure of submission..then don't do it

<YUR> Thank you rose

<psyche> i think it is kind of dangerous too, putting yourself into a Top situation, when that is not who you are

<laurasub> hello all

<rayna> well it is not that i don't think I could not be a good Domme, it's that I don't see her as my sub

<rayna> I make any sence

* psyche smiles to rayna

<mrlnzrose> very much so rayna

<laurasub> if I could just jump in unbidden, whether I top or bottom depends on the partner.... if I can't then sorry and I'll hush

<rayna> I am mean RL i am very Dom

<MerlinBDS> um, you can argue from vanilla analogy, rayna. would you have sex with someone when you don't want to, just to please that other person?

<rayna> no Merlin Sir

<MerlinBDS> smile...laura, it is the same with me. depends on the partner what mode we interact in

* ari`elle listens

<laurasub> Merlin - exactly... Mistress saw a dominant streak in me and trained it to me, I never thought I'd use it then I met this girl IRL and, well, she still wears my collar

<MzP> Merlin.. do You consider Me a Dominant or a submissive?

<MerlinBDS> um, i think the two questions are identical, rayna

<MerlinBDS> grin. i see you as a switch, MzP. :)

* MsPoi{S}n smiles at MerlinBDS

<MerlinBDS> smile...lovely story, laura. :)

<laurasub> <grin> more lovely when you're on this side of it

<MerlinBDS> folks, MzP and i have not met yet. and definitely not played.

<MzP> Nooo we are friends :)

<MsPoi{S}n> is it possible to play both rolls at the same time???

<MsPoi{S}n> Trying to get back on topic.

<MerlinBDS> that is a huge challenge, poison

<laurasub> MsPoi{S}n - not as far as I know... but its something I'd like to try... <girn>

<MsPoi{S}n> Master and I play with a sub at the same time

<MerlinBDS> i have seen slaves kneeling at dominants' feet, directing other slaves

* MsPoi{S}n nods

<MerlinBDS> if there is a slave hierarchy...alpha, beta, etc... the alpha may be serving the dominant and controlling the beta at the same time

<rayna> You know, i wonder if I could be a Domme...

<MsPoi{S}n> even when it is in bed, and the three of are playing she is taking orders from me and I am taking orders from him.

<MerlinBDS> but i find it very confusing

<laurasub> its definitely possible to be dominant from a submissive role, but is that really submissive?

<mrlnzrose> I think it depends on why you are dominant.. and to whom

<MsPoi{S}n> ok.. :)

<mrlnzrose> for me.. I cant.. when I am in sub role.. it is hard for me to switch back and forth

<MerlinBDS> it is complex, laura. is exerting control over another, the sub is obeying his/her master. i think it counts

* laurasub has never been part of a hierarchy - at least not at the same time, so I can't really say about that

<MerlinBDS> er, "in" exerting, that is

<MsPoi{S}n> I am in a poly relationship.. so...

<laurasub> I was talking about topping from the bottom, which doesn't seem submissive to me

<MzP> I have a difficult being totaly submissive.. the Dom has to be extremely strong.. and keep me in my place

<mrlnzrose> even just talking to my subs online.. I have to change my psyci to go to Master as a slave

<MerlinBDS> smile...so are we, poison...but we generally have one and only one person in charge of eveyrone else

<MerlinBDS> less confusing

* MsPoi{S}n nods

<MsPoi{S}n> but as I have expressed it is hard for me to stay in a "submissive" role..

* laurasub finds it easy to stay in a submissive role, but is often told she is very domin ant

<MerlinBDS> nod...so for you, poison..and especially for you, MzP...itwould be very difficult to do both at once

<MsPoi{S}n> and the ONLY person that I have ever been submissive with is Sandman..

<MerlinBDS> smile...rose is very domme with everyone but me. she submits to one and only one

<Rob_Roy> I think it can be equally difficutl to remain in a dominanst role with just the pressures of the mundane world...

<MsPoi{S}n> I can be Dominate while submitting to Sandman..

<MsPoi{S}n> but I do get lippy sometimes.. :)

<MerlinBDS> of course, she can *serve* others...but in doing so is actually submitting to me

<psyche> can i ask an honest question though?

<psyche> i don't want to offend, truly

<MerlinBDS> phyche, please do. :)

* MsPoi{S}n looks at psyche.

<psyche> if you live as a Dominant and submissive, how can you switch?

<mrlnzrose> <--always honest.. and rarely offended

<MerlinBDS> er, psyche, that is

<laurasub> psyche, go ahead

* psyche smiles

<laurasub> psyche, depends on the situation

<psyche> i have often wondered this about switches

<mrlnzrose> Master give me time.. time to be with my submissives

<psyche> do you not all live the lifestyle 24/7?

* MsPoi{S}n nods at psyche.

<mrlnzrose> their submission is not trasitory to Master

<psyche> and if so,,,how do you do it and still be content?

* laurasub lives 24/7 in the lifestyle

<MerlinBDS> smile..in my case, psyche, i live as a dominant........and play occasionally as a sub, session based

<psyche> do you play with you live in submissive?

<psyche> as a submissive yourself Sir?

<MsPoi{S}n> I live with Sandman, and I am his submissive.

<mrlnzrose> and I live as a slave.. and occastionally plays as a Domme

<MerlinBDS> psyche, we cannot.

* laurasub lives with her Mistress and is submissive to her, but also has a sub collared to her... who lives there too,

<mrlnzrose> No.. we are poly

<mrlnzrose> we have other partners

* MsPoi{S}n nods at mrlnzrose

<MsPoi{S}n> and I have a submissive who will be living with us in June

<MsPoi{S}n> but she reports to us both.

<psyche> so,,,you play with those in a switch role, and do not switch with the ones you are submissive too,,,or Dominant too?

<MerlinBDS> psyche, rose is subto me...and i am only dom to her. i sub to others. others sub to her

<psyche> ohhhhh, i see

<psyche> i can understand that

<MerlinBDS> yes, that is how it works with us, psyche. one mode per partner

<mrlnzrose> that is correct psyche

* psyche smiles

<psyche> with Master, i never could switch,,,and i guess i often thought that is what switches did

<MerlinBDS> and i have found that for those who go deeply into submission, that is the common pattern.

<psyche> switch with their own partner

<MerlinBDS> some do, psyche....but in the situations i have observed, it is more topping and bottoming ..no deep surrender