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Meeting A Partner In The Scene:
by KttN
Thanks to astraea for editing and encouragement.

Meeting a Partner in the Scene:

I have heard the questions asked so many times. How do I meet a bottom/submissive/slave? How do I meet a Top/Dom/Master? I have a lot of thoughts on this. Remember they are my thoughts and suggestions. So take it with whatever grain of salt you choose.

I have been lucky and have had wonderful relationships in the lifestyle, from the committed M/s to sexy play partners. The only bad experience I ever had was when I didn't listen to my little voices and played with someone I had nothing in common with. I was guilted into it. Don't let this happen to you! :)

I am always going to encourage anyone wanting to meet a partner in the scene, to get out into it. Go to munches, vendor swap meets (you never know who you might meet handling that Heartwood paddle), go to demos, play parties, etc. These are the places where you will get the best information.

Meeting Others In The Scene:

Local Area Munches, Groups and Events:

It is not the old days any longer folks. In this day and age almost every area in the country has a BDSM group. Check out the links to find one local to you.

Online Personals:,, etc.

Writing A Personal Ad:
What you say is important. Here is your chance to say who you are.

Answering A Personal Ad:
Do you know what to ask a potential partner? Or how to write to a potential partner?

Meeting A Partner From A Personal Ad:
Safe and sound advice on where to meet.

Meeting In Chatrooms and Online BDSM:
It can work if you have the will.


I can preach all the safety advice that I can until the cows come home and it doesn't mean jack unless you use your own common sense. Ultimately YOU are the only one responsible for your own safety. I am even going to go as far as to say if you have no common sense then you don't belong in this scene. End of rant. Visit the links on our site for some sound common sense advice.

Ds and BDSM Safety Essays and Links:

I made this section years ago in the hopes that just one person might learn something from others experience. You will find links, essays and FAQs here.

S&M: A Players Handbook:

Tanonymous takes you through all the steps. Safety is a huge part of the RL scene and taking steps to ensure your partner's safety is imperative.

BDSM Health and Safety Advice 1:
Using your common sense 101. Great advice on teaching you how to listen.

BDSM Health and Safety Advice 2:

Occasional mishaps do happen. Here is some advice on how to avoid and deal with them.

What happens beyond this point is up to the individuals. I feel good about pushing you out of the nest at this point. But I am going to once again refer you to the S&M: Players Handbook for tips on Negotiating a scene etc. For beginners, the entire section is helpful. It is a good brush up for old-timers too.

Good Luck on your journeys,

Meeting a Partner In The Scene | The Local Scene | Online Personals

Beginning BDSM
| D/s Lifestyle