makes us what we are
Recently on one of the mailing lists the question was posed "what makes us what we are." This question fascinated me, and here are some of my thoughts on why we do WIITWD.
I am submissive, it is part of me, part of my heart, my soul, my mind. I didn't stop one day and decide that I was going to be submissive, it is who and what I am. Even though for many years, that side of me was unnamed, it was there. I find strength in my submission, I find peace in knowing I belong completely to Master. I find greater awareness of what drives me by looking at it with the knowledge of all of myself. I find confidence to reach for new things, because I can look at myself though Master's eyes, and see the parts of me that I never knew about before. And I find peace knowing that with Master's love and guidance my life can be the wonderful thing I have always wished it would be.
Was I born submissive, or is this something that developed because of life experiences and training. *shrug* damned if I know, but deep down it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Even as a child I tried to please those around me, to do things to make them happy. I was not a rebellious child, though I found my feet and managed to give my family years of worries as I explored life. And as I look back at those years, I know now that if I could have recognized this part of myself, put a name to the submissive side of me, I would have saved myself many years of heartache and pain. To many times in a submissive woman's life she will meet those who see what she is, and take advantage of her because of it. Too easily does submission become subjugation then. Bringing with it a loss of self esteem and becoming critical of what you are told are your short comings can lead to further years of searching.
I believe firmly that the day I named this part of me, learned what it meant, and welcomed the opportunities that were possible was one of the best days in my life. Not that it has all been easy. Unfortunately as we begin to explore this side of ourselves we can be easy targets for the unscrupulous predators on the net. We want so badly to understand fully what it means to be submissive that many of us have more hard experiences to deal with as we finally begin to find our feet. I know that for myself until I began to question people when I was told that WIITWD is "this way" I was a very confused woman. But I was lucky too. I found some wonderful websites that were written by women just like me. We are not all young and beautiful, nor always highly intelligent or well spoken. But we care about others, and when we speak of who we are, we speak from the heart. We all began by searching, and for those who went before me on this road and cared enough to share their journey, my thanks.
My life has changed so dramatically in the last year. I have gone from being a very mixed up unhappy woman to one who today accepts herself and finds joy and satisfaction in the accomplishments I have achieved. I love more deeply and openly, I expect more of myself because I know I can accomplish what I take on. I give more to those around me because I no longer doubt that what I give has value. I love my life, what it holds now, and what it will bring to me in the future. I owe much of that to Master. He has given me so much, yet he gives it without thought, or even the knowledge of how much I benefit. I love him completely, and I am secure in the knowledge that the love is returned in full. We have found our other half, we know that together we have both grown more in the last year than we ever had before.
So what makes us what we are? We are complex people, we all have different goals and desires. But in the end we all share one special bond, that is the great joy in knowing that we are each unique and wonderful. We have value and strength, both alone and as a community. We can lean on each other and find guidance and friendship. We can find love and laughter and the openness within each others hearts. What makes us what we are? We do, for ultimately we are the one that holds the key to our own happiness.
Copyright ParsFyre 1999