A collar in BDSM symbolizes a commitment that has often been compared to a wedding ring. This type of commitment comes in other forms, such as a brand, a tattoo, a piercing.... Each symbolizing the pledge of the Dominant to their submissive to protect, love and cherish them. When the submissive accepts the collar, the submissive surrenders to the Dominant and makes a promise to be devoted and loyal. Some collars are made with no clasp to signify the never ending love of the relationship. Other collars have a ring to attach a leash and a place for an engraved tag or pendant to show ownership. The collar is to be worn in the presence of the Dominant at all times. When apart, all the submissive needs to do is touch it to be reminded of the bond they share. Each collaring is a unique symbol of love, respect and a bond between two people who care greatly for each other. In these pages the members of #submission would like to share their unique collaring with you....

From a Dominant...

Greetings, to many I am known as Sir Michael and have frequented the online lifestyle of BDSM for well over the past year. As of late, I have come to view #submission on EFNet as my home. You will find many good people there with interests in the BDSM, or D/s lifestyle, whether it be online, R/L or both. If you are new to this world, be patient, observe, and above all else, be polite. Those three actions will do more than anything else to bring you the friendship of the regulars you will meet there or, for that matter, in any other similar IRC channel you may choose to enter.

Like you, I was once new to this and took what I first saw for granted, not realizing how complex this world can actually be, no less complex than the emotions and feelings of the multitude of individuals you will find yourself dealing with. Remember, especially if you are a new guest, that this is not a video game where upon logging off, all is neatly tucked away and reset for future play. For every nick (name) you see in channel, there is a real person attached to it and anything you say or actions you portray will be remembered. No less than in the "real world".

Please pardon me for I take this subject very seriously and if allowed will ramble on forever, turning into quite the bore I am afraid. Therefore, I will get on to what I am writing of; the collar.

I was asked to express a Dominant's opinion/view of what a "collar" symbolizes and I hope what follows are the general views of all other Dom/Domme's out there, even though there are bound to be slight variations. Therefore, remember that these words are my own and no others and may not express the views of all involved.

The collar is never taken lightly by those who consider themselves true followers of the D/s lifestyle and should never be treated as such. For me it has no less significance than a wedding ring does to others; a symbol of love, respect, and the sealing of a bond between two people who care greatly for and/or love each other. It is not a thing to be rushed into with casual disregard for the feelings of the other upon whom you have placed it or accepted it from. It is not a thing to be taken one day and then casually discarded a week or two later, no more than a wedding ring should be.

All too often I see just this sort of thing take place online and for myself, as well as others who take their D/s world seriously, find it a great irritation to watch those less experienced do so, often at the cost of another's feelings and upset. To quote a few lines from another Dom, because I cannot say it any better, "I hope that this will give you something to consider before you jump into one just because it seems like the thing to do. It's a commitment that should bind a couple together for a lifetime. Be sure you are ready to uphold the traditions behind that band of metal or leather before offering or accepting it."

When a sub gives her/himself to you, to do as you see fit, it is a very special and beautiful gift. She, or he, is not an inanimate object to be treated with disdain nor a doormat to wipe your feet on. They submit to you because he or she has chosen to give a priceless gift to one they have found worthy of receiving it, don't make the sad mistake of abusing that. It is not an obligation, so do not expect it simply because you are a Dom/Domme. Neither can it be bought or forced from another, only given.

A Dom/Domme should guide and teach their subs with a firm but controlling hand. As the Dominant, the decisions are in your hands, not only for your pleasure and desires, but remembering to keep the feelings and desires of both parties in mind The sub has not given him/herself to you to be exploited, but rather to be protected, disciplined when necessary for their own good, cherished for the gift they have given you. Remember that the tongue can be as sharp as a scalpel. Would you take that same scalpel to a Rembrandt?

When a sub accepts a collar, the bond between sub and Master is only intensified more so because now that sub has given him or herself to you and you only, trusting you entirely to guide and direct as you see fit. For the sub, the Dom has done the same, displaying that he or she wishes no other to be with more than you.

Once accepted, a collar is forever and unless the day comes when the sub decides to be rid of it or the Master takes it back, sad but it happens, it should be worn and honored at all times. I have seen where a collared sub may come into the channel or another with an alternate nick, hence, without the collar, so that they may "play" around without bringing criticism down upon themselves or their Master knowing of it. To me this is no different than a married man or woman who would leave their wedding band at home and go out for the evening, portraying themselves as available when they may very well not be. No different is it as well for a Dom/Domme who, when his or her collared sub is offline, engages in activities that would be upsetting to the sub were he or she to know of it. Any such activity should be well discussed and any agreements resolved well before the collaring tak es place

Anything less is a direct abuse of a sacred trust. And without trust, you have nothing.

Trust...... an interesting word that is so often taken for granted yet should be viewed as a priceless and rare gift; no amount of money bearing any comparison to such value. Do not take it lightly, for once damaged, one rarely ever gets it back in the same condition as before, if ever.

These words may bare strong resemblance to others you have seen elsewhere for I have viewed many sites that strongly convey my feelings on this matter. I could go on and on but I think you may now have the gist of just how serious a collar is to those who take this life style seriously and by abusing it will bring nothing but disdain and scorn down upon yourself from those who call this world home.

I am going to borrow the words I read on another site and I hope the author will not mind but I use them in an effort to guide those who may be new to our world to hopefully see them become respected and honored members of the D/s genreí.

The key elements for D/s to work, with or without a collar are considered to be:

full and entire honesty
mutual respect
mutual pleasure
pride and dignity
strong character
love and affection

Not to mention that these wouldn't be bad traits to apply in any relationship involving another whom you care for, D/s or otherwise.

There are many more things I am tempted to express myself upon but discipline myself to keeping this directed on the subject of the collar, therefore, give some thought to my words. Do not take the collar lightly, and welcome to the very special and exciting world of D/s. SrMichael

...From a submissive

The Lord and lady He is her Lord, she is His lady. Conecting with a caress, an inspirational kiss, a wanting touch. He possesses the strong yet gentle hand she has so longed for. she yields the desire willingly that He has yearned for. B/both having a majestic gift to offer each other. Where ever He is gracious enough to led, she will be gratefull enough to follow with out question. A desire to capture heart, mind, body, and soul. A desire to surrender heart, mind, body, and soul. They combine in a soft slow dance that holds them B/both. They unite in the Lord and lady. euphoria

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