The Beginners Guide to Dominance and Submission
Respect for the sub is very important in this phase. As a Dom, you are attempting to bring out the best in your sub, not break her spirit and turn her into a robot.
Even in training,
there are certain guidelines that are useful.
1. Never strike a sub in the face. A light to medium open-hand slap below the neck is normally sufficient to handle the job. You can place your hands on the sub's face to make them look at you.
2. Never break skin on purpose. If you do, handle it immediately after punishment is finished. Soothe the scrapes with lotion, talking softly and gently to your sub.
3. Never leave a bound sub unattended. Accidents can happen, and the sub is in no position to assist themselves.
4. Never discipline in anger. That has been covered earlier.
5. Never engage in D/s under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This goes for the sub as well as the Dom.
6. Always explain why the discipline is occurring to the sub. Discipline must occur for a specific reason. To arbitrarily discipline a sub breaks down her trust in the Dom.
7. The punishment should fit the offense.
should always be followed with tenderness and love. The infraction has
been dealt with, and is in the past. As a Dom, do not hold a grudge against
the sub. Allow the sub to be forgiven.
There are a large number of techniques that Doms use. These vary from couple to couple. One technique that people use is to bind the sub's hands above their head, bind their feet together, and, with the flat of the hand, spank them from their shoulders to their ankles, front and back. This is a very effective way of getting their attention.
Reward is also very important. Correct actions must be rewarded by the Dom, otherwise the sub has no incentive to obey the Dom's instructions. You could give your slave a single flower, a note left on the computer, or a loving caress. The reward will depend on the sub and the action which pleases the Dom. Once in a while, a Dom will find a sub to whom a spanking is a reward. This is why the Dom must know the sub, totally. Every sub is different, just as every Dom is different.
It is very difficult to give step-by-step instructions on how to discipline or reward a particular sub. Some subs are totally submissive, others have a very strong will. In any case, the discipline is for correction, the reward is for compliance. If more correction is needed, do not hesitate in escalating your actions. Use the amount of correction necessary to punish the infraction. Do not threaten punishment. Apply it. The sub will respect the Dom to a greater degree. If the sub complies above and beyond what you expected, reward them accordingly. Remember, the strength of the Dom lies in his love for the sub.
When using any style
of domination, care must be taken not to injure the sub. An actual injury,
if caused, should be tended to immediately. Stop the scene, quickly unhook
or detach the sub from any devices, and tend to the injury. Basic first
aid should be known by the Dom, because injuries can happen, and the Dom
is responsible for the sub.
Humiliation is a
specific style of domination that centers on making the sub do a particular
act, or doing something to a sub that is repugnant or causes the sub to
feel less powerful. Examples of humiliation include making the sub eat
from a bowl on the floor, publicly disciplining a sub, and making a sub
perform an act in public which could be considered embarrassing. Some
forms of excretory play (urine, feces) could also be considered under
this heading. This can be an effective means of control of the sub, but
is sometimes considered overkill. Usually, the sub obeys the Dom because
the sub wants to please their Dom. When the sub, however, decides to ignore
the authority of the Dom, or decides to play the brat, sometimes humiliation
can be considered as a tool for discipline. Personally, I do not enjoy
or employ humiliation training. It depends on the couple involved in the
relationship whether this style of domination is used.
Restriction is a
style of domination where the sub is restricted in movement. Restriction
can be enforced with restraining devices, such as ropes, or merely words.
Restricting the movement of a sub is a widely used training technique.
Restriction can be used along with almost any other style of domination,
such as restriction and spanking, or restriction and humiliation. Simply
tying the subs hands behind their back is a light form of restriction.
Telling your sub to kneel, or not to move is a form of restriction. Heavier
restriction can include tying hands and feet to the bed or a hook on the
wall, or binding the sub's hands and feet together. Heavier restriction
will tend to have extra items used for restriction, such as spreader bars,
cuffs, rope, or other specific devices. Very heavy restriction does not
allow very much, if any, movement by the sub. Very heavy restriction can
utilize larger items, like crosses, racks, large quantities of ropes,
specialized strap devices, or suspension devices. The amount of restriction
necessary depends on the training or play being initiated by the Dom.
This style of domination
includes a w
ide range of activities, including spanking, whips, flails,
floggers, and electrical stimulating devices. This style is often included
along with restriction. Another style of physical domination includes
moving the sub in space without their consent, by the hair, a leash, or
a simple hand on the back of the neck. Physical domination is a very direct
way of communicating to the sub the position and authority of the Dom.
Physical domination does not have to be violent or punishing. In public,
a firm hand on the sub's shoulder can have as much effect as a swat on
the behind for correcting a sub's behavior.
This style of domination is not as directive as the above methods, but is a style in its own right. Verbal domination is control using words and speech to effect a change in the sub. An example of this would be sliding up behind your sub in a public place, and whispering into their ear, or calling them "slave" in a public area. Having your sub call you "Master" or "Mistress" in public would also be considered verbal domination. Some Doms exert so much control over their subs that a word or a phrase will instantly cause a change in their sub, sometimes against the will of the sub. These cases are rare, though.
In the case of cyber
or long distance D/s, exercised on the phone or by computer, this is the
style used by most Doms, since they are not there to correct or reward
the sub physically. It is very difficult to physically dominate a sub
over a long distance connection. The sub must do what the Dom orders,
to the best of the sub's ability. If clamps are to be applied, the sub
must be able to physically do the action. Since the physical control of
the sub is difficult to ensure, verbal domination is used extensively.